Umendo Chapter 44

Umendo Chapter 44

"Ahem ahem", l coughed a little to alert them of my presence. Faith jumped from his lap and there he was. It was Didi, Faith's supposedly ex boyfriend. He only had his vest on, so he too jumped to put his trousers on. I turned my face away from him but obviously not quick enough because l saw his ntenene. Heeeeh (clap once). Ok, I had only ever been with Siya, so I could not say l had great knowledge with penises. But we live in a digital world, where social networking has been taken to another level, so l have seen a fair amount of penises in these networking platforms, especially Whatsapp. Who here can raise their hand and say they have never received a dirty viral picture or video? I had seen a quite a few that I had an idea what the average size is, so when I saw that ntenene I was speechless. Well, l was speechless at the whole scene, but seeing that.....,I was really speechless. How can I best describe it....? My biggest toe is bigger than what I saw. It literally ended where it started! What was Faith even doing straddling him? Was she going to put it in together with his balls? Because that's the only way she would be able to feel that there was something inside her. Some people say that size doesn't matter, you just have to find a position that works for you. I had no other experience besides Siya, so l believed that, but now, now that I had seen Didi's ntenene, I knew right then that size matters. Imagine if l went from Siya to him, no matter how many ice blocks I shove down my honey pot, I could never be satisfied by him. Maybe it would have been fine if I had never been with someone else, but hayi... lokhuyana, even if you have never been with anyone else ngeke usuthiseke. Vele I don't think you can even break anyone's virginity with that. How do you even give him a hand job because it would disappear in your hand and probably squash it. I know that it's not his fault shame, he was born that way, but eish. If Faith dated him with the hope to find a monster pipe underneath those expensive trousers, shem wabhampa! Whoever said Nigerians are well endowed clearly hadn't met Didi. Is there even a condom that fits him? I highly doubt it. 

Anyhow, I looked away and walked back outside, I don't know why I went outside instead of the bedroom or kitchen, maybe I needed some fresh air after what I had seen. To be honest, I was so relieved it wasn't Siya, but I was pissed that Faith was doing her business in the living room. Couldn't they do it at his place? A couple of minutes later Didi came outside with so much embarrassment he couldn't even walk properly, it was as if he was carrying a bucket in between his thighs and didn't want to drop it. He couldn't look me in the eye, he apologised for what they did and said his goodbyes. It's true that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, phela if you saw Didi, how tall he was, how smart he always dressed and the car he drives, you could never imagine that he has an excuse for a penis. No offence to you guys who are in Didi's boat. It's true ukuthi uNkulunkulu akakunikezi konke shem. Back in the house Faith's eyes were wandering all over the place as if she was looking for something she had lost

Sme: Really Faith? Here I was thinking you are busy looking for a job. Is this what you do everyday when we are at work? 

Faith: No, I really have been looking for a job. I have never brought any guy here

Sme: Having sex in the living room pho?

Faith: We were not having sex

Sme: You were going to if I hadn't arrived, weren't you?

Faith: (Zwi yena)

Sme: And I thought you had broken up with Didi?

Faith: Yes we had, he has been calling me these past few days trying to get us back together. So he came to drop me off today after my job hunt. One thing led to another, I'm sorry you had to see that

Sme: I don't have the energy to argue with you, please don't do it again

Faith: It won't happen again. I promise.... I hope you are not traumatised by what you saw

Sme: Oh l am alright

Faith: I know you are thinking why do I stay with him when he doesn't even have .., you know

Sme: Ah, I didn't say anything mina

Faith: I laughed the first time l saw it you know. I was tipsy, so l laughed so hard, put my clothes on and left. When he called me, I told him to stop wasting my time because he could never satisfy me. He didn't give up, he was such a gentleman, eventually l gave in. The first time we got together, he made me cum  three times just from foreplay, so I didn't need to be penetrated to be satisfied. Yes, I hardly felt his thing inside me when he got on top of me, he thrust in and out less than ten times before he came. So that's what we always do, he gives me the best orgasms with foreplay, then goes inside me for his release. He is very nice to me, and he treats me better than any other guy l have ever been with, so that's why I have stayed with him for all this time

Sme: Ok, so long you are happy, that's all that matters. 

Faith: Yah neh!

Sme: Yeah, so does this mean you are moving in back with him? 

Faith: No, I want to find a place of my own, it's high time I became independent. I want to find a job and do something tangible with my life. Going back to live with him will just make me lazy because he does everything for me. 

Sme: That's the spirit, I hope you will find a job soon

Faith helped me prepare dinner and she joined me in my car hunt. I saw a car that I liked, so l put down a deposit for it. I was going to come back with Siya so he could see it and test drive it too before I paid the balance. 

After we finished eating, I asked to use Siya's phone to call Zandie because I had no airtime. When I finished speaking to Zandie, the phone went straight to the call logs. 

Zandie's name appeared more than six times on the call log. This was the first time I had ever called Zandie on Siya's new phone, so why did she appear on the log so many times?