Umendo Chapter 14
"I am willing to do anything to heal our marriage. I will do anything to see you smile again. Please don't leave me, cos honestly I don't know what I would do without you. " Those were some of Siya's words, I don't know how many times he said them, but I just kept thinking, "how do I know you are telling the truth? What if it's part of your thousand lies?". How does one move on from something like this? Even if I wanted to forgive him, I knew I would never forget. Especially because a child had resulted from his affair or whatever it is this was. That child would always be a reminder of his infidelity. I know that a child is innocent, but how would I feel when my husband has to be away to attend to his child? On top of that, if Nicole still wants him, she would use their baby to get my husband to dance to her tune.
I knew how much Siya wanted children, I could see the disappointment in his eyes whenever he saw the one line on the countless pregnancy tests I took. I went to three different gynaecologists who all told me that they couldn't see anything wrong with me. I had several tests taken, but all of them did not reveal any reason that would prevent me from conceiving. I have never had an abortion or miscarriage.
I was only ever on birth control for less than a year. We had decided to work for a year after we got married to save up a bit first before we had a baby. Mind you, l lost my virginity to my husband after sengilobolile. It's funny cos whenever a couple is having a hard time conceiving, people just naturally assume that the problem lies with the woman. I begged Siya countless times to go for check ups, but he refused saying there is nothing wrong with him. Well, I suppose now he doesn't need to since he managed to knock up Nicole without even trying.
Siya and I attend different churches, I visited his church a few times when we were still dating but it just wasn't for me. 80% of the time we were turning to the next person to say"God loves you" or "you are a winner", or "you are healed", those kind of things. Whilst I am all for all this positive encouragement, it was all too much for me. I always left hungry for the word. You will be lucky to even hear more than two verses being read. It's always "turn to the person next to you and say..... " like a hundred times, one bible verse, a few songs,(l admit the choir is good) five minute preaching, then building fund money, umnikelo, tithes, rent money, more money for this and that, then turn to the person next to you again. You may think I'm exaggerating, I don't blame you, I wouldn't believe it either had I not attended Siya's church. But oh well, no church is perfect. Anyhow, at my church, they told me that there was nothing wrong with me, but I should come with Siya so they can pray for both of us. I asked Siya so many times I gave up. I have prayed every night, fasted, cried, tried to stay positive, exercised and ate healthy, cried, kept an ovulation time table, cried, l did everything l could do to no avail. I put cried more than once because I cried more times than I can remember.
Siya's family welcomed me well, l got on very well with his sisters. But a year after we got married, his mother started being cold towards me. She would ask every now and again when she should start knitting amabhuthisi omzukulu wakhe from her "only son". She always
emphasised the "Only son" bit. She already has 4 grandchildren from her daughters, but she has always been hungry to have abazukulu from Siya. Well she didn't need to wait anymore to start knitting.
"So, where do we start my love", Siya asked reaching for my hands. I pushed his hands away
Sme: The couch has to go, I can't stand it now
Siya: of course, l will make sure it's out of here by tomorrow
Sme: We need to got testing tomorrow (Siya hesitated a bit) Siyabonga, you said you will do anything to make things right. This is how you start, we need to get tested, period!
Siya: Ok, ok love. Anything like I said
Sme: You will need to apologise to my parents cos not only did you disrespect me, you also disrespected them
Siya: Ah baby, you don't need to tell them
Sme: Are you crazy? Are you going to tell them yourself? How are you going to hide your baby?
Siya: Oh konje! Ya, ngiyakuzwa. I will have to speak to my one of my uncles to arrange that
Sme: No more lies Siyabonga, if you lie to me again, we are done. I won't hesitate to walk away. Do you understand that?
Siya: Yeah, no more lies. I won't let you down again, l promise
Sme: How far gone is Nicole?
Siya: She is nearly 4 months pregnant now
Sme: What are your plans about her and the baby?
Siya: I don't know, what should we do?
Sme: Heh, ubuza mina? Did you ask me before you slept with her?
Siya: No baby, I was just asking for umbono wakho. I don't want to do anything that will upset you. Tell me what to do and I will do it.
Sme: How about you tell me what you think you should do, and I will tell you whether I agree with it or not.
Siya: Ok, I think Nicole should only communicate about the baby via you. I will tell her to call you if she wants anything for the baby before I delete her number, then you will tell me and we will take it from there
Sme: So now I should be the one who deals with isfebe sakho. Vele how did you two meet?
Siya: She was a customer I was teaching to drive, but I don't anymore
Sme: Oh wow, so mina ngithi usemsebenzini when you are busy sticking your pipe wherever it fits? Do you know what, I don't think I can do this. This is all too much for me. When I married you I didn't sign up for this.
I took my phone to call a metre taxi cos I didn't want to bother Zandie at work, Siya came over and grabbed my phone off my ear and hung up before I could tell the driver where to pick me up from. He refused to give me my phone back, begged and begged me to stay.
Sme: Ok then, you can keep my phone, (I took the bag Zandie had packed for me and rushed to the door, I told myself that I would just take a taxi to Zandie's place)
I didn't hear Siya rushing towards me, but he pulled the bag so hard I hadn't anticipated it , I slipped and hit the wall so hard everything just went black. The last thing I remembered was the loud bang with my forehead against the wall and Siya screaming "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo"
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